XIV: The Perfect Thing

Why do I always think of the perfect thing to say when it’s too late?

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XIII: Promising Promises

When I wrote my feelings
on the walls and ceilings
like they’re drugs I’m dealing

and you just walked away

is it wrong to expect something back
now that everything has been said and done
can you tell me where I stand?

let me just speak for the record
even your eyes, they betray you
you can spare me the lecture

do I need to remind you that I’m only
hanging by a string
I close my eyes and spin

I was giving you everything I had to give
wasn’t it enough?
all those promising promises were on your lips

but now they’re gone

are you happy with what you’ve become?
I keep making you look,
but you don’t see it

you had a heart just like mine
but now it’s cold as ice
I won’t get over it this time

I’m ready to move either towards or away
but we can make it before the storm
just let your pride out the door

but you wouldn’t give it up

18 Things We Should Have Been Taught As Teenagers

This is perfect.

Thought Catalog

1. Hard work will not always equate to success. You can put up a good fight and still lose. There are just some things that, for whatever reason, we have to carry with us.

2. There will probably come a day when you want to study something that has (seemingly) no future benefit. Study it anyway. There will probably come a day when you want to be with someone who you know won’t last forever. Love them anyway. There will probably come a day when you want to leave something, or someone, and instead of looking for a reason, you should let that wanting be enough. Go anyway.

3. You shouldn’t ever assume to know the truth about someone. Addiction doesn’t always look like a drug-addled homeless person on the street, mental illness isn’t always apparent, pain does not always read across a person’s demeanor. Don’t judge people on the…

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XII: Conversations

Let it Go

Conversations are awesome. No matter how weird it might seem, it’s obvious that people enjoy listening: listening to other people talk, to other people sing, and basically to other people living their lives. Quite the same as talking.

People who read would understand. Every beautiful set of words that depicts a picturesque setting or a colourful feeling matters, of course, but the dialogue can hold its own weight even if it’s short or long. It’s the discourse that shapes relationships, leaves the dents, and heals the cracks that altogether makes the story whole.

So I’ve piled up a few conversations; mostly related to shit like love and stuff. Some of them from my write-ups that’s scribbled all over the deep behind of my College notes, and some from my unheard-of works stranded in both wooden libraries and electronic ones, apparently collecting mildew. Melodramatic conversations, happy conversations — you name it.

________________________

“That’s kind of not how it goes. It’s not his fault that he’s not you.”
“That’s the first mean thing you said that I like.”

(Behind my CHEM2 Notebook [2011, I think?])

____________

“Hey, Is this a good concept?”
“Seems desolate. Not really your thing.”

(SHORT: The Painter [2009])

________________________

“Joan, you’re a girl… right?”
“I am? That’s odd.  I have no idea when that happened.”

(WRITE-UPS: Project Bebes [2012])

____________

“Sooo… what would you do if someone told you that they loved you?”
“Depends on what kind of love we’re talking about. “

“The kind between… Well, pretend you’re a woman and—”
I am a woman.

“That’s not what I meant. Pretend you’re another woman.”
“I need context. Do I love them back or did this come up out of nowhere?”

“I don’t know if you love them back. Maybe you do, I don’t know.”

(WRITE-UPS: Project Bebes, 2012)

________________________

“How do I look?”
“Does the word ‘dork’ mean anything to you?”

“What?”

(Behind my NCM101 Notebook [2009])

____________

“Okay! Okay! So we were kissing. Is that such a bad thing? I mean, we’re both consenting adults and I’ve been waiting for this for a long time and — Whoa… whoa… whoa! You two! You two were kissing!”
“…we were?”

(INC: Songs I wish you sang for me [2013/4])

________________________

“As much as I would hate to admit it… But… I’ve never really had a chance to date someone. Or anyone.”
“Well, then here’s step one. Do you want to go out with me?”

(If only I could tell you, I would let you know [2010])

____________

“Why? Is love reserved?”
“…”

“You can give love to anyone.”
“Are you trying to tell me that I’m in love with Cody?”

“No, but if that’s what you think, then —”
“I love him because he’s the only friend that I’ve ever had and I wouldn’t want that to change.”

“If that’s the case, then I have a chance.”

(Hold on [2009])

________________________

“Look, it’s never going to be perfect. You just have to live with it, and learn to like all the flaws. I want to do whatever it takes to make this work because I love you… with all the geekiness that comes with it.”

(SHORT: The King and The Geek [2013?], Behind my Pharma mock-test thingy book)

____________

“Are you sure this is the right time to talk about this? You’re…”
“Try not to be bothered.”

“Then what should I say?”
“Say that you… like me, too?”

“For one, you make me feel good. Does that count?”
“What do you mean?”

“When I’m with you, I feel this odd force pulling me towards you. It’s a bit sickening, in a good way. Is there a good side on that word? I don’t know… What am I saying? Okay, I’m rambling, aren’t I?”
“Does that mean that you…?”

“I don’t know. What do you think? I really want things to work… maybe for us — maybe for everyone. Between the ophii and our impending doom, the only thing I care about is losing more people that are close to me — and I know that you’re one of those people.”
“So… you…”

“I just don’t want it to end. My life — your life… and maybe this thing between us, too. I don’t know. But if you don’t feel the same way…”
“Don’t put your words into my mouth.”

“So what are you thinking?”
“What I think? I don’t even have time to think. All I want to do is this.”

“This?”
“This.”

(INC: Asunder, 2013)

________________________

Okay, if I wasn’t too lazy, this would be longer, but I honestly think this is ALREADY too long. Haha! I’ll leave the last one to your sense of wonder.

Oh dear no

XI: Tell me

Tell me
is it yes or no
don’t sugar-coat where I fit in

Inside you there’s a room with a door,
I finally come knocking
and I’ve been here before

I’ve got this love for you
but what is if for
if you can’t hear me?

I’ll make it easy,
I’m counting to three,
am I something you want or someone you need?

IX: A Fool

Another shot of whiskey please bartender,
keep it coming until I don’t remember
how bad it would hurt when you’re gone

Turn the music up a little bit louder
just gotta get past the midnight hour
maybe tomorrow it won’t be this hard

But who am I kidding?
I know what I’m missing

I had my heart set on you
But nothing else hurts like you do
Who knew that love was so cruel

And I waited and waited so long
For someone who will never come home
It’s my fault to think you’ll be true

I’m just a fool