XX: We All Need Saving

This is rather cliché, but this is a casual letter to a heart that has grown… tired.

Have you ever been to that point when you realize that being numb is a lot more painful than actually being hurt?

Dear Heart,

 

You’re at the point where you don’t really understand yourself anymore – you know you’re hurting, but you can no longer feel.

You no longer feel because you choose not to – because you’ve grown so tired of the fact that the world doesn’t really care whether you get hurt or not. You just do and you have to live with it. And it sucks.

Because now I have to believe the lies I make for us – and end up having to believe it. Because it is saving us both. You end up thinking you’re fine when you’re not – and somehow that seems a lot better. But for me? It is not. I linger and think and think and think, but it’s a ridiculous cycle and that is a cycle that we should’ve been rid of by now.

I know you’re going through it right now – the cycle. You lie – you lie to yourself to always believe that someone and something is still good for you. And for a while it feels good. But I know – I know better. Why don’t you ever listen?

I think you’ve already realised that you are only dancing with the impossible – your own foolishness. Why do you still have such expectant eyes?  Why are you still so happy – and why do you only care about the little moments, when you know you’re going to be an empty husk thereafter?

You have to realise that you can’t fix people and their twisted sense of mind. And you have to realise that you can’t make things defy their primary purpose. For example, you can’t make a rock jump willingly – but it seems like that’s what you want to do.

That’s fine I guess – the way you’re managing this. But the earlier you realise what I just said, the better. Because the thing with your kindness is that when shit hits the fan, you still think “Well, the fan still works,” albeit the fan having shit all over it. Maybe you should start thinking “This fan has been shat on, perhaps I should clean it.”

As much as I would like to abide with the latter, the same analogy can’t be used on people. You can clean all the shit out of their faces, but they still have shit inside them. And it’s sad because it would be gross if you had to put your hand all the way up their innards just to clean them up. Ick.

So yep, just give up and move on. There are a lot of better things to waste your time on than thinking how to fix someone just so it works for you. If they want things to work for you, they would’ve done something about it and be consistent. Because that’s how things should work. That is my advice to you. Seek the better things, something I’ve learned from school – though I don’t seem to apply it. Don’t settle for fans that have been shat on.  I’ve learned my lesson – it’s high time that you do, too.

This is just me talking. I will never have control over you other than to keep you beating. I’m just hoping that one day, you will finally listen.

 

With the best intentions,

Brain

https://open.spotify.com/track/2L9dSBrh6Gmtna30EKnHRc

XI: Tell me

Tell me
is it yes or no
don’t sugar-coat where I fit in

Inside you there’s a room with a door,
I finally come knocking
and I’ve been here before

I’ve got this love for you
but what is if for
if you can’t hear me?

I’ll make it easy,
I’m counting to three,
am I something you want or someone you need?

IX: A Fool

Another shot of whiskey please bartender,
keep it coming until I don’t remember
how bad it would hurt when you’re gone

Turn the music up a little bit louder
just gotta get past the midnight hour
maybe tomorrow it won’t be this hard

But who am I kidding?
I know what I’m missing

I had my heart set on you
But nothing else hurts like you do
Who knew that love was so cruel

And I waited and waited so long
For someone who will never come home
It’s my fault to think you’ll be true

I’m just a fool

VIII: Leave you alone

– modified reprise –

I’ve never been the one
for saying the right things
and I messed up again without even trying

I’ll tell you what I’m going to do
to make it up to you tonight
I’m going to leave you alone

Because I don’t know
any other way to try to make it right
because the only thing this
stubborn heart knows how to do is fight

— fight for what I think is right
so I’ll grab my coat
and see you tomorrow

I need you to know
that I don’t want to go
and that leaving this wrong
is the last thing I want

But I’ve tried all I could
and I think I had said all I should
I guess I can’t stand the fight
so I’ll leave you alone tonight

VI: In your hands

(Reprised to fit commonplace theatricality.)

Stay with me,
let me know you’ll never leave
you don’t have to be alone,take my heart and let it be your own

I can’t promise I’ll be waiting
if your mind might be changing
don’t let this opportunity just linger

Take my hand,
because together we can stay
I’m on my way with both wings out stretched

Come with me because I know you’ll regret it,
you’ll never forget just how good we had it
so baby don’t you let this go

You better start believing
why live your life wondering
when you can have the whole world in your hands

So much love inside these arms, but tomorrow it could be gone
and I can see our future in your eyes
trust your heart and ease your mind

So don’t you worry, I’m not too much
because I love you — hush!
what matters in the end is we’ve got love and understanding

If you’re having second-thoughts, I would understand
because sometimes it’s too much, too soon
and we don’t even have a plan

But all I know is that what you feel for me is true,
so no matter what you choose to do,
it will always be me and you

IV: Standing in the way of the light

Queen Cat (c) MV 2013

Round we go in circles
Does it have to be this hard?
We can stop the fighting if you let down your guard

There’s still a way to make it right
And pull back this fail, turn night into day
Don’t you know you’re standing in the way of the light?

Pour oil on these flames, speed up my heart again
We’ve been living in the shadows too long

Just pull back this fail, turn night into day
Don’t you know you’re standing in the way of the light?